hope i'm not erasing myself

more poetry, whether you read it or not:

under the stars
we’re moving on up
to nothing at all
and at night
beneath spilled milk
that spreads miraculously
through weightless air
we’ll talk about immortality
this is not a love poem
but let it be said
that under the brilliant
shining dead stars
echoes of lives and worlds
that do not belong to us
you were everything
I ever wanted.

In that moment, each moment
so lost
so irretrievable
you said to me
under and over every
long dead ancestor
every long dead thought
to live forever-

every life ends in tragedy,
you said
how unbearably sad
how empty an existence
being without time
if each moment was
not lost forever
but stayed, held onto you.

and you will live as if within a frame
and you will live as if dead
if you lived forever
in the end you, arm in arm with Time
could do nothing
nothing at all!

You said,
under the stars:

I would rather spend a single, paltry human life
with you than carry
everyone’s lives
forever.

You kissed me but,
on that night under
stars and secret galaxies
under the balmy air
no longer clean and pure

(although we could pretend)
We were not a love story.
We were a beginning.



no title yet

We get high off nail polish remover
and in the winter we forget what love is
and remember being selfish
just so we can survive it all.

Bloodless amorality
no matter what we accomplish
knee deep in snow colder that
what we imagine death to be.

A sunset spilled like salvation
if beauty can exist
surely there is room enough for us too
as long as that purple sky remembers.

This is what we were given
so this is what we keep
we invent names for every colour
and we cannot see the others.
We are all made up of tiny universes
and we cannot see the worlds that surround us
not because we are blind,
but because we don’t know.
We hold each other
in the absence of God
we hold each other
in pain, in pleasure.


It is all we know.


for M.

I avoid confrontation
so we’ll be okay
All my smiles are for you,
I think, as stupid as it sounds
all my laughter is for you
and I’m not even lying
This headlong rush
into something
somewhere
not dark, but bright
You can have me,
I thought about it.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847

lately, i can't stop writing poetry. i thought i'd post a couple here :)

If Hades should answer

You were Persephone lost
That Grecian redhead
With a black eye and flaming skirts
So what if you caught me-
I never loved you.

Being in time
Time without being
What was it?
Six months underground
Making love to death
Pressing cold flesh to searing mouth
You loved him in the end.

Are you still there?
Tell me,
Does death speak to you?
Has it made a name for you?

Did I stutter?
Was I not profound enough?
I thought life was simple
when you live forever.
Was it the cloak?
or the eyes

for Hades is grey and wreathed in flame
I had nothing but smiles for you
you princess, you of the spring
tell me,
has death taken you yet?


---------

The modern age
farewell to the visionaries
I’ll miss the words, I think
beauty replaced by shock
wit by ugliness
damned be guns and drugs
and agents of murder
who go to dance clubs and
smoke cigarettes the wrong way
farewell to death by sword
or hemlock or
bow and arrow.
I’ll miss the blood, I think
Now it is no more than gasoline
self defense without murder
some people won’t live past thirty
but not because of the plague
and prison is nothing but
another school.


------
xxxo

YOU DID IT ♥♥♥

I never talk politics, and I'm also Canadian. But that really doesn't matter.

This is my own opinion. I'm not looking to start a debate. If you disagree with me, fine. That's great, I don't need to hear about it.

This is it, this election is important. Not just for the states, but for the whole world. This could be a new beginning, or the beginning of the end. Please, please vote for the man who could save not only the United States and North America, but the world also. We desperately need this new beginning. Please, vote for choice and freedom. This is our future. All of our future.

Obama. '08.

Here-a little Konan/Kakuzu moment-
-----------------
She braids her hair while it is still wet, hair that is longer than he thought it was. The water drips between her fingers and also, down her neck in a way that makes it look like her skin is paper and the water is oil.

“I’m sorry?” She says to him as if she did not notice him there, as if she does not care. “I’m sorry,” she says again and her voice breaks his-no, never mind.

He sits on the bed and she looks at him and says, “I did not tell you you could sit,” patient and profound, as if he is a child and she is imparting some great lesson upon him.

“You are not the queen of this place,” he murmurs and she ties the end of her braid with a white ribbon and says to him,

“Suit yourself, my Prince.” And he laughs. And just because their laughter is soulless does not mean that they are, even though they are locked underground to follow the orders of a God who would make love to them just as soon as order their heads on a platter.

“What did you want to say?” She asks him, not because she is curious but because she knows what he wants to hear. He is silent as she brushes gold-real gold-onto her eyelids and watches him in the mirror.

“I don’t know,” he says and watches her. Her lips are pale pink; she hasn’t painted them yet.

“You want to say-“ a smile plays across her features, a ripple across a white mask “Oh, Konan, it’s all this living forever, all this immortality. I am so very tired.” Kakuzu laughs.

“Not quite, but I suppose we never really know what is going on in our heads.”

“Hm,” Konan paints her mouth on, “Did it ever occur to you that if we were not killers we would probably be artists?”

“No,” and here Kakuzu smiles, even though Konan cannot see it, “We would be dead.”

-------------------->

Coconut Records
Jason Schwarztman. I love him.

OH NO THEY DID NOT.

It took so long. School is crazy-last year, so the pressure's building. And I got a job! I'm doing cash at a gourmet food store near my house, so that's pretty sweet. What else-lots of riding fortunately, friends. And I'm still dating Marcus. He's pretty perfect, I must say.

But enough about that. Despite having not read any of the new Naruto chapters I've written a little something. Hidan. That's right, I'm kicking it old school.

( sans temps )

Hope you all enjoyed ♥
it's nice to be back :)

STILL ALIVE STILL ALIVE STILL ALIVE.

major update when i get back (again) from the crazy. august 27th. there will be fic.

♥

i love you all.

lilydescend!!! I just got your gift! you are too amazing-thank you so much! i'm super excited to read Watermark, it looks great-and, omg, the japanese garden book is stunning! Thank you so much my dear, it means the world to me ♥♥♥

since I always say one thing and do another: a fic starring Kakuzu and Hidan, because I missed these guys. For lilydescend because I miss you too ♥

It's definitely more light hearted than my previous outings with these two. Can be read as gen, pretty much, there's no sex or anything just a bit (okay a lot) of blood. Very short, but definitely fun to write. I'll be returning to these two now. Absence makes the heart grow fonder ♥

( endless, endless )

NO. that was not fluff...shutuppp. :P
thanks for reading ♥

EDIT: I just realized this new layout doesn't allow for capitalization. Is that a problem? Personally, I don't mind. ..hmm.

another edit: I'm outta here until the weekend! time to start working ..i'll be living at my coach's house and working at the barn in exchange for room/board and riding, so i'm super excited! i'll try to get some pictures by the end of the 5 weeks :P but anyway, i'm home on weekends so i'll update then! <3
ilu-
t.

So, I'm writing this entry from my brand new Macbook. SDfkjgnfkjag :D:D

I know i've been completely absent from LJ...I miss you all!!! Even the ones who've forgotten who I am. I'm going to be putting some fic up...a Roy/Winry and the rest of that NejiTen ridiculousness.. but I need to install Word on this computer and then email my writing over or something. I'm leaving tomorrow for a working student position at the barn I ride at, which is going to be AWESOME. But I'm home on weekend so I'll still be around.


ILU♥ How have you all been??

I am one assignment away from a full blown panic attack.

Two more weeks. Two more fucking weeks.

finally got around to watching it-I've been so damn sick I haven't even been able to muster the energy to go downstairs :(

BUT ANYWAY:

Holy shit. I cried like a baby. I sobbed. Seriously, no movie, tv show, book, what have you has ever made me cry this much. I can't wait til next season!

had a great weekend, lots and lots of partying and horseback riding.
unfortunately i'm paying for it now.
epicly sick guys, epicly sick D:

Holy shit, House. Crazy, crazy, crazy. I cannot wait for next week.

school:omgkillmenow.

this shit needs to end.


more importantly: Happy birthday disbelieves!!!! I know it was yesterday, but I'm super lame and hardly ever check LJ anymore :(

( i made you a gift :3 )

Enjoy ♥ Hope your birthday was wonderful.

Pein knows how they will end. He knows their deaths. He can see them one by one. Hidan, who will laugh and weep in the end, blood spilt into the earth that will refuse to claim his broken body, unholy in the end. Kakuzu will see his own blood drained, his own heart, still beating, crushed and ruined before his eyes. Kakuzu will be defeated, he will know that his end was empty of victory; his end was as empty as the cold gold coins he counts out with barely a flicker in his lifeless eyes. He does not laugh when he thinks of these deaths, they are nothing but tragedies, playing out fruitlessly. Deidara will kill himself, he will go with a bang, his flesh scorched and torn from the inside out, and whether he has won or not he will die knowing he has, with a grin.

Pein knows they will fail. He knows he is no God, he never has been and he never will be. He can see his own death.

Itachi’s death will be poignant. Itachi’s death will be messy and heavy and meaningful. Itachi will die wasted, a shell but he will not be forgotten. Kisame’s death will be perfect, bloody and brutal. Kisame will pass with no poetry, no hidden magic. Kisame will die exhausted and exhilarated. Kisame will fade away into myth; he will be lost forever. Samehada will rust beneath waves that do not care what they destroy.

Zetsu will not die, not with the rest of them. Zetsu will drift off, when this organization, this insignificant, fleeting organization has ended and he will disappear into nothing but a lost soul among the dense foliage, alone, friendless to the end. He will go into the earth, down into the rich soil and he will be silent. He will never break, not like the others, nothing but discarded bodies in the end.

Pein will let himself be killed. He will see the weapon and he will know that it will be the one to kill him. He will pass with a sigh, eyes shutting and lips parting. He will die knowing there was nothing left for him anyway. He will follow her.

Konan will die like the angel she is. She will dissolve into nothing but bloodstained paper that will linger long after her spirit has dispersed. She will die without a word, only a knowing smile and she will die for him. And he will whisper her name, rather than scream it as he watches the glossy indigo of her hair bleed into paper dry and white as bone, the scarlet of her lips fade into the air, her little smile so feeble and mortal after all.



He cannot see Madara’s death, because he knows that he will die long before the Uchiha. He thinks he will probably be killed by Madara’s own hand but he is silent about that because he knows that means that Konan will too.

So it's been a while since I've talked about my life...remember that guy I was totally hung up on? Well we finally got around to dating, which is so fun :D Having a boyfriend seems to make everything better, probably because we're in that super happy beginning stage though, we'll see how things go.

Hmm school is going okay I guess. I'm doing pretty shitty in math and bio, which sucks. Ughhh I can't wait until next year, no math or science...But yeah, I've been super busy...mostly with social stuff, but there's been a little bit of homework in there too, I like to think.

Also: YAY for Feist winning 5 Junos. She's incredible.

Short chapter this time, because I like how it ended.

Life Incarcerated
destruction is all that matters, rated R

( read on )
link to part one
more to come!